he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
