that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
