the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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