You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
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Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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