DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
