hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
