the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
