That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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