You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
