i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
