I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
