so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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