ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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