Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
