can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
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on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
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There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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