mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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