don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
