like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
