thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
