2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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