i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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