im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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