i need an iv and a liver transplant
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
