Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
