I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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