Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
