Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
