Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
