mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
