is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
