watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
