____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
