it's too hot outside to masturbate.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
