I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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