he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dicks are not precious.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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