She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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