my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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