So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
FUCK WHALES
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
