I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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