i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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