I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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