now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
