Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
