i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
