Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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