Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i drank out of a bidet.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
