sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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