he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
