She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
