new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
