do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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