I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize