Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We just shotgunned beers for America
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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