Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
