hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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