dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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