I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Drunk is a universal language darling
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