This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
