At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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