I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
