i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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