just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
