sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
