Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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