He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
