You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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