Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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