me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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